Aftermath
by gonattsaga
Summary: The young man Norman Reedus deals with his doubts after the plan has been carried out. David Alan Rickman does his best to reassure him. Slash fiction which is canon, in this case Set after the movie.


-1

"Do you regret it?…Do you hate me now?"

The words are whispered with such dread they're barely audible, so I half-expect him not to have heard me, but his hand, the one that lies curled around my shoulder, fingers reaching down my arm and moving lazily to and fro, squeezes me for a moment, as if to reassure me, only it doesn't because now I know he's heard me and he hasn't said anything in reply.

I start to sit up and wrench away from his half embrace, but he catches me and enfolds me in his arms, even as I hunch forward and collapse in on myself, and he's holding me like he's holding me together, like he knows he's holding me together, and he's hushing and whispiering soothing nonsense in my ear. The warmth of his breath tickles me. I snuffle like a pathetic little kid, shake my fringe loose and into my face, to hide, even though he's behind me and can't see my face anyway.

"Hey, hey…" he murmurs. "Honey, what's the matter?"

I remember the first night here, sitting on that couch with her, him out in the kitchen pottering about, making us tea. I tried to be relaxed, I tried to talk to her in a pleasing voice, I tried to maintain eye contact with her. That was the toughest moment, sitting so close to her, not having got a feel for her yet, and David also so close but a whole world away.

He'd called from the kitchen, "Honey!"

I'd reacted before I could even think about it, or stop myself, and then, "Where's the sugar?"

He meant her, I scolded myself. Luckily she hadn't noticed my reaction, or if she did, she didn't think anything of it.

"Where it always is!" she called back.

So domestic, so familiar. I was just a by-stander, a voyeur, an outsider who'd wriggled himself inside but just didn't fit.

"I'm sorry", I tell him now.

"It's okay", he says. "It's been a tumultuous time…"

I twist in his embrace so that I'm facing him and I hug him back. I put one arm up, hand curled around his neck, the other nestled in the fabric of his shirt at the waist, and I rest my head on his chest. He starts rocking us a little, side to side. He kisses my hair.

"I couldn't bare it if you hated me now, David", I whispered.

"I could never hate you."

He even means it. I can tell he does. But what about tomorrow, what about the day after. What about when I start losing my looks and my youth. Will he hate me then, will he regret it, will he kill me. I mustn't think like this. The whole thing was my idea, anyway, he was just going to get a divorce.

Yes. It was my idea. And one day he will hate me for it.

"Listen to me", he says and pushes me away from him so that he can look at me. "I could never hate you. I could never hurt you. I could never refuse you anything. I thought I'd proved that to you…"

"Yeah… but if I were you I'd hate me-"

"You already do hate you. I don't get it, but I've come to accept it, and now I'm devoting the rest of my life to try and change it by making you see why I love you so much… There's nothing I wouldn't do, love, nothing… to keep you happy."

He cups my face gently in his hands, so gently I think he might be afraid he'll shatter me, and he pulls me close.

His breath is warm and tickling against my lips. I part them to inhale it, to draw his breath in with mine, to taste the air that's been in his lungs, I close my eyes and feel his warmth all over me.

And then his lips brush over mine, I flush all over, my lips, my fingertips, my belly tingles. He presses closer, a firm kiss, lips moving into place, the way they fit so perfectly together, the way they've been made to fit, just so, and then they open and his tongue is there, caressing me, wetting me, probing, I open up to him, I suck him in, I hug his body to mine like I want us to merge together, and he moans into my mouth.

"Wait", he mumbles and pulls away slightly. "If I promise you…"

"David", I gasp.

"Wait. If I promise you that I will love you every day for the rest of my life, and I will tell you I love you, every day for the rest of my life, starting now, will you promise me… that you'll believe me?"

"David…"

"Promise me."

"Alright, I promise."


End file.
